My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
