i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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