I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
