We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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