Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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