the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize