Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
