My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
