Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Another day, another engagement, another cat
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
