Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
