do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
