So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
