why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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