dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
