just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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