True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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