I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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