ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
