a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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