new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
