I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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