OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
