that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
