But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
