I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
