well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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