Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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