I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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