Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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