Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
