At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
