I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
