I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
