Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
