can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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