wanna go halves on a baby?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize