If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
