All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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