Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
