Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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