I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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