watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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