I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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