Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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