No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
