Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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