You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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