remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
