I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
