10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
