im holly from the hills drunk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize