Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And the cops told us we were all naked.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
