College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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