He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize