Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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