so explain again why im purple
no
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
