so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
