I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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