Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
