just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
