Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
