dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
