You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
