If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
