note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
