We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
