I heard we made out
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
