i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
