bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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