This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Operation Purity has been aborted
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
