mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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